Congratulations 2015 Macbook Pro Reach Glorious Retirement

Dear 2015 13” MacBook Pro 16gb Ram 500gb SSD Storage with 3.1GHz dual-core Intel Core i7,

Seeing as you have now reached six long years of service, and have now successfully on-boarded your successor in glorious service to Johnny, by the power invested in me, I declare you officially retired. Thank you for your service.

Congratulations on an illustrious career as the personal computer and laptop of Johnny. Your unwavering commitment to the Struggle of The People has brought much glory and happiness to all the land.

You suffered much hardship, such as:

• Many spilled drinks and smoke damage during the Era of Heightened DJ’ing and Music Production (2015-2019)
• First broken screen, due to factory defect (2016)
• Broken keyboard, due to Yan Dafa’s Stupid Office having a leaky air conditioner unit (2018)
• Being hauled up and down several mountains on climbing trips
• Being thrown around in my crag bag at dusty crags and caves
• Surviving numerous flash rain storms while on bike in Shanghai
• Second broken screen when you fell off the bed during a climbing trip (2019)

Despite such hardships, you brought me many places and empowered me to do so much incredible shit. Just a short list of what we accomplished together:

• My favorite EP, 3E3240.
• Boiler Room performance.
• Le Wagon, 2017. I learned how to code on this computer.
• Self-taught JavaScript using this computer.
• My first two jobs as a software engineer.
• Tons of side projects, such as Bork and pprmnt.
• Recently, self-taught Go using this computer.

Take care 13” 2015 Macbook pro. Thank you for your service. Rest easy.